


your brown eyes are my blue skies

by starfleetbanana



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Coming Out, Drug Addiction, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Self-Indulgent, Son Nefes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8203688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: "Palmetto State University was something he definitely wasn’t ready for. He’d left school and had planned a life in Germany, but he’d had to change his plans after Erik’s death. He knew he wouldn’t be able to go back for a while. Exy, on the other hand, would be enough to keep him distracted from the fractured mess he and his family were"Erik's gone, Nicky's trying to get his shit together and then the brightest boy comes into his life and he has to destroy him before he can piece himself back together and is brave enough again to try something new, with someone new. Or how Matt Boyd ended up sleeping on the girls' couch for the rest of the school year.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Nora mentioned in an ask Erik was going to die in almost every draft so hey, there's that. This is half a son nefes re write and half Matt and Nicky enjoying existing and sucking at dating, tbh. So all credit goes to Nora for dialogues and plot points taken from son nefes.
> 
> Matt and Nicky are both made of sunlight and glitter, and I literally have no excuse for this? Thanks to sb (ive no idea if theyre comfortable w being mentioned so) on twitter I died with MattNicky headcanons so yeah, that's what took me to write this.

There were a thousand rumours spreading about Nicky’s life since he’d come out and after what’d happened at the club with Erik and Andrew. He was polite even when people asked about his parents and his ex, but he bit lips so they wouldn’t see it quivering under his calm façade. There were too many things he didn’t want to remember.  

Palmetto State University was something he definitely wasn’t ready for. He’d left school and had planned a life in Germany, but he’d had to change his plans after Erik’s death. He knew he wouldn’t be able to go back for a while. Exy, on the other hand, would be enough to keep him distracted from the fractured mess he and his family were.

They’d moved from Columbia to Abby Winfield’s house expecting things to get easier after the twins’ graduation. She was too nice to Andrew and Aaron considering how much they lied to her through feigned grins and bored looks. The only thing he could care about was how his cousins would make it into a team like the foxes’ without destroying them first. He doubted that would happen.

Coach Wymack was _okay,_ for the lack of a better word, considering he’d accepted to sign them too at Andrew’s request. The team was a whole different thing. When he went through the door, beaming as always, he was faced with scowls and stares –mainly directed toward his t-shirt and his grin oh, so-out-of-place-.

He looked at each of them for a second, taking the time to see if there was something about any of his teammates that seemed interesting at all. The blonde woman caught his attention first, because she looked so indifferent to his presence, compared to the obvious annoyance in the rest of his teammates’ faces. But then there was this tall guy with ridiculous hair he vaguely remembered, one of the only people who looked welcoming beside the captain.

“I knew this wasn’t going to be a total loss” He laughed when none of them did anything but look even more uncomfortable. Nicky was bright sunlight to their usual bitterness and metaphoric hangovers –though some of them weren’t metaphoric at all-. Then the bible on someone’s hand caught his attention, he looked up at her kind expression and waved at her.

As soon as he introduced himself he noticed who he had to avoid and thanked at least they weren’t really attractive, though a great ass could get him to ignore a big mouth.  

He’d met Matt and Dan before. The captain was nice and wanted him to feel as comfortable as he could between a group of athletes. Matt was probably the sweetest fox he’d get to meet and he was glad he’d had enough time to prepare himself to see them again so he wouldn’t stare this time.  

“Coach didn’t say he recruited a faggot” Dan defended him automatically from one of the assholes sitting in front of Nicky. Exy wasn’t an extremely masculine and homophobic sport per se, but he was going to spend his time with a bunch of guys whose egos were too big to ignore his sexuality. It didn’t really matter, he was used to it.

The arguing continued and walked past him before the girl with multi-coloured hair got up and offered him her hand, “Renee Walker, nice to meet you”.

“Starting backliner” Renee’s grip was strong and she held her bible with pride under her arm. Religion got them talking briefly about his family and his past, which weren’t the best topics, but it wasn’t worth hiding anyway, since they had to know if they’d read their files. Nicky kept the conversation going with her until Aaron walked in behind him and interrupted them.

The cousins found a spot they thought would belong to them in the near future, on a chair right next to Matt and relaxed, “He’s pretty” Nicky said in German under Matt’s curious look.

“Shut up” Aaron answered without looking at him and then pressed his lips into a tight line to bite back an insult, it’d be a waste of time, it’d never made Nicky learn to close his mouth.

“That’s German, right?” Matt said after licking his lips. Nicky looked at him, talking _about him_ just to try and get a conversation going. He was good looking, indeed, and looked way more interesting than the rest of the foxes.

“Yeah, I’m bilingual. What about you? You good with your tongue?” Nicky asked and Matt stared back at him without finding the right words to say. Nicky seemed the only fox who was as energetic and positive as Matt without any hidden violence behind his words and that was enough for them to consider each other potential friends. Andrew’s entrance saved Matt from the awkward conversation.

Nicky loved his cousins, but more often than not, he wanted to punch them for never letting him get to know a guy. Maybe it was because of what had happened with his ex, maybe because he’d been in hospital for too long for Andrew to care about what he wanted now. According to him, he needed to be safe and they’d seen first-hand how flirting with guys between homophobic assholes wasn’t a good idea, Andrew’s manic grin being the proof of it.

Each of the foxes introduced themselves. _Stay away from Seth, Juan and Reggie._ The girls seemed nice, if not a bit too defensive and threatening to what he was used to seeing in girls, their softness almost entirely gone. He could see through their smiles and for a second he wished his mum could’ve been as strong as them, he wished she would’ve loved him as fiercely as Renee defended her goal.

Seth went on and on with an angry voice. Allison didn’t make an effort to contain him but she looked annoyed nevertheless. He walked out of the lounge at Wymack’s request after saying he wouldn’t change in front of Nicky. _As if,_ Nicky thought and scoffed.

“If it helps, most of you are too ugly to be my type” He interrupted before anyone could add yet another unnecessary comment. He not so secretly wanted them to keep going so Dan would make them run laps until they passed out. It seemed like a great plan for practice.

“Stow that” Nicky sighed in response to Wymack, and pursed his lips before switching languages again.

“Andrew, you could be nice and do something” It was only half a joke after what he’d seen Andrew do, and he knew what would it be like if anything alike happened again. Aaron gave him a look, unimpressed at his cousin’s inability to shut up and take things more seriously. Andrew laughed.

“I could break your neck so you’d shut up instead” Andrew added afterward. Nicky crossed his arms before finally closing his mouth. Apparently Matt was impressed by his German and he’d kept his attention on him for a while.

His silence didn’t last long, “Let’s use your changing rooms in turns, us and them. Everyone wins” He suggested holding his yellow sunglasses in his right hand before throwing them at Aaron. Everybody shut him up again. Matt was the only one who attempted to have a conversation with him later. 

* * *

 

Nicky’d been thinking for a while of a way to get to know the rest of his teammates that didn’t get him to talk more than he should, which often happened with cracker dust and alcohol. The girls, at least, were willing to talk to him since they needed to get closer to his cousins to make the team work, which wasn’t happening at all, so Dan accepted Nicky’s invitation to have dinner as soon as Nicky asked, except things with the cousins never went well.

He’d had good intentions, but Andrew was convinced the only way to prove Dan was worthy of being a figure of authority was taking her to Eden’s Twilight despite Nicky’s initial refusal. They made sure Dan wouldn’t remember the important things they’d said, and Andrew’s judgement had been enough for him to figure out she could at least say hi to her with an honest smile.  

The next time he went to her room to invite Dan out again she refused politely, but something was slightly different. Matt was asleep on their couch, he had moved into their room a few days ago and it took him a while to figure out what was going on beside the usual stupidity of Matt’s official roommates. He knew Matt had a better relationship with the girls than with the people he had to share his room with, but he didn’t exactly know what they’d done to get him to make such a drastic decision. Nicky didn’t even try to hide his smile because he looked too adorable.

It took him only a week to get things right. He took his time to make sure he’d be sensible enough to say the right thing for once in his life because he honestly wanted to help Matt, whether they were friends or not.

Matt opened the door in his pyjamas and Nicky looked questioningly at him instead of asking inappropriate questions. He was trying hard to be careful and he cleared his throat before asking, “Am I interrupting?”

“Not really” Matt said shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“No? Well, that’s boring” Nicky responded with a cocky grin, “It’s Friday night, you know?” Matt went back to his blanket nest ignoring him, but somehow managing to do it politely. He looked unusually empty without his typical positive attitude showing in his face, and it made Nicky feel uncomfortable even though he knew there was a reason behind it, “How about a knight to save you?” He asked jokingly waiting for Matt to smile back, but it never came.

“Do I really look like I need saving?” Matt said through a frustrated laugh, “I’ve three merciless queens with me. Careful, Nicky” He added with a yawn.

Nicky wasted no time listening to his excuses and simply explained their plan: Eden’s Twilight. Matt had no idea what was going to happen there, but he was willing to accept a few drinks to forget he was bothering his friends and had no room to drunkenly pass out in. Nicky’s cousins appeared behind him, Andrew with his particular toothy grin.

“We thought you’d last two weeks at least. Guess not” Andrew said examining the couch and Matt’s belonging scattered on the desks.

“I’m not-“ Andrew didn’t listen to him either and interrupted before he even had the time to decide.

“We’re leaving” The other Minyard said. Matt hadn’t even had the time to get changed when Andrew turned back and left. His cousin and brother stayed on the threshold waiting for him to get ready as he looked anxiously at them.

“You’re coming, aren’t you?” It was too easy to see through his bright eyes and dad jokes, and Nicky’d been quick to notice what was truly happening with his teammates and, most importantly, with his fragile psyche. Though he had to recognise they’d had Matt’s mum input to help.

Matt said good bye to the girls with a shy smile knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was what he needed at the moment.  It’d be hard to do what the cousins had to, but Nicky’d promised himself he would take care of him, or at least he’d try to keep him safe during the night even if it meant sitting on his ass the entire night without any cracker dust in his system after what he’d have in the car, “I’ll take care of you, Matty, don’t worry”.

And he’d been honest. The night had started with cracker dust and Matt hadn’t indulged on that knowing it wouldn’t be his thing, instead of being motivated by his soberness. But after a few shots his loneliness hit him hard and though he knew he wasn’t the only recovering addict in the team he felt way weaker than Renee.

Nicky felt guilt burning in his throat as he took another shot of tequila but he smiled through it to encourage Matt to fuck up and he didn’t regret it despite seeing a delirious and sweaty Matt going through withdrawal on Abby’s couch, pleading and crying his eyes out when Wymack held him down so he’d stop kicking everyone that tried to touch him. _He didn’t regret it._

The closest he’d been to seeing someone go through withdrawal was when Andrew didn’t take his meds but it never got to that point, and Aaron had never really tried to recover from his addiction willingly. It was shocking at first, he’d assumed it’d be but he didn’t expect to see Matt’s hollow and watery eyes staring into his, his track marks even more obvious as his usually darker skin was pale and slick.

He didn’t remember much of the night either, but he knew he’d stayed with Matt even if that didn’t mean much to Abby and Coach. As soon as Nicky saw they needed help to hold him down he forgot his headache and how much he was hurting –he had no excuse, he was as responsible of Matt’s pain as Andrew was- and reached for Matt’s wrists.

He hated himself even more when he heard Matt’s words but couldn’t understand what he was trying to say, he absolutely despised the way he had to prove Matt he’d be strong enough now to make it all go away forever. He felt stupid and like none of what had happened to him was worth anything. Suddenly his family had a reason to hate him, Erik had a reason to get killed, the men had enough of an excuse to beat him because he’d done it, he’d destroyed that beautiful boy.

He shook his feelings away inexpertly to make Matt feel steadier. If he responded to his mumbling with one of his bright smiles he’d know he wasn’t the only fox who believed the world could be a nice place.

Later, when Matt was too tired to keep fighting, he sat on the floor next to him until his leg muscles screamed in protest at the slightest movement. He was bruised all over after getting elbowed too many times by a desperate Matt. Dan would kill him for hurting her friend, but also because he wouldn’t be able to practice for a few days sleep deprived and hurting all over. None of it meant a thing, though, until Matt was fine again.

He rested his forehead on Matt’s forearm hoping if he opened his eyes he wouldn’t see the track marks on his skin and remember what this boy had done to himself with their help. Matt let him stay there even as he shook hard. Their teammates wanted to kill them but no matter how many times he was threatened and punched in the face he wouldn’t move from Matt’s side.

Even looking shit he made him feel something unravel within him, something way deeper than guilt, “Speedballs and crackers” Nicky said in a weak voice against Matt’s skin, grazing the tender skin of the back of his hand with his lips. Wymack didn’t want to listen, he didn’t want to see the cousins so he left Bee and Abby to deal with it now Matt had stopped punching everyone around him.

 “I can’t believe he’s that stupid, how could you do that to him?” Nicky didn’t say anything as he heard Abby’s rage fuelled words. He’d never thought she’d hear her so full of hate, the same person who’d welcomed him with a hug. Renee was standing next to her with a bored look on her face, so foreign to her usual kindness it made Nicky feel nauseous. None of them had an answer.

“He’s going to be alright” Renee said after a while, “Matt’s strong. He’s not going to let this stop him” Nicky nodded despite not knowing Matt all that well. He believed in him and his mother. He chose to believe in himself for once, too.

When Wymack had collected himself he went back to Abby’s. Matt was finally sleeping and Nicky was still next to him, now sitting on a chair and holding his relaxed hand. He couldn’t sleep but it was okay because he knew Matt would wake up soon and all hell would break loose again.

The girls were there, but his roommates and Nicky’s cousins didn’t care enough to go see him. Renee helped in the kitchen to get the foxes fed even though none of them felt like they could keep anything in at the sight of Matt. He looked dead.

“You better get out of here” Allison said, her words made of glass, “Matt’s mum is getting here in an hour, if we haven’t killed you, she will”

He swallowed and sniffed. How could he even tell them what they’d done to Matthew? Dan looked like she wanted to cut him into tiny little pieces and torture him when he looked up, “Andrew did it because Randy gave us the go” He said after clearing his throat. Allison stood up suddenly and he heard her shouting from the kitchen.

“What the fuck, Coach?!” He hoped Wymack would explain as much as he knew, though that wouldn’t make their actions better to the foxes’ eyes or to his. “Money doesn’t make this okay!” She continued, pacing as her high heels clicked against the tile floor again and again. He didn’t even know how she could walk without her knees giving out, because he couldn’t even sit upright. “I don’t care if she’s his mum, she’s not a fucking addict! Ask Renee and she’ll fucking tell you”

When Matt groaned Renee prepared herself to stop him from hitting anybody with her hands pinning his legs to the sofa and Nicky’s grasp went shaky again. The shouting was going to wake him up and none of them wanted to be there when Randy asked to see her son if he was awake. They waited patiently for Matt to open his eyes hoping the moment wouldn’t come soon so they’d have enough time to ready themselves to see his sparkle gone. Nicky could now understand Matt’s attitude both inside and outside the court.

As soon as he heard the doorbell he went somewhere else despite having Randy’s support. He didn’t want to be there when Matt’s loved ones were trying to have a conversation. He wanted to be there for Matt, however heartbroken he felt.

He looked at Renee asking for permission to leave and she nodded. Matt woke up right before Nicky left the living room but didn’t say a word.

Nicky was thankful he didn’t have to be there. He felt foreign to his body and his reflection in his cup of coffee as he heard Matt’s weak voice still begging and desperate in the silence of the house. He was exhausted, but there was no way he was getting any rest before Matt did.

Allison sat with her chin propped on her hand, smiling sarcastically at him, “I’m gonna kill you, I don’t care what Randy’s said, I’ll fucking break your neck”.

He thought of the self-inflicted scratches and bruises and bites on Matt’s arms, his blood shot eyes and how he looked like someone entirely different. He nodded.

* * *

 

Allison punched him two days later, his back pressed to the lockers. Next, Dan tried to take a swing at Andrew and he was quick to prove how wrong both of them were without a word. Renee got between them before Andrew truly hurt them.

Nicky’s nose was bleeding and even though the pain he’d felt had been awful he knew nothing they did to him would even come close to what Matt was experiencing.

“Fuck you! You can’t do shit like that! He’s done nothing to you!” Dan yelled clenching her fists, her knuckles itched to punch something.

“Matt’s mum says otherwise. Coach already told all of you, didn’t he?” Nicky asked with a bloody smile. He felt his expression too close to Andrew’s as he spoke, though the mental instability was absent.  

Nicky heard Andrew talk and explain his actions despite knowing he owed them nothing. Nicky couldn’t stand to hear his words. What if he wasn’t strong enough? He couldn’t even think of what he’d do to get to see that smile once again. Matt deserved more than people judging him because of his weakness.

Andrew’s selfishness sounded so honest it made Nicky flinch. He hadn’t done it for himself, or for his cousins. He believed it’d make Andrew easier to deal with but he’d seen Matt’s anguish and pain reflected on the way he played and how his smile fell.  It wasn’t his responsibility, and it wasn’t the right way, probably, but they were foxes. They had to understand second chances had to be made into third chances and so on. Still, no matter how hard he tried to find a proper reason for what they’d done, there was nothing to be found.

He grinned brightly during practice and run until he couldn’t feel his legs and his nose bled again.

* * *

On Friday Matt was still at Abby’s and though Nicky’d gone to say hello a few times he’d left knowing Matt wouldn’t give a fuck about how bad he felt. They were both adults and he’d been stupid enough to stay with him hoping Matt would forgive him.

They took Renee to Columbia with them. Nicky danced and got as drunk as he could that night, but he didn’t touch the dust. The sweetness of it made him feel like throwing up.

“Andrew thinks Matt will beat this” Renee said sipping her drink, and Nicky nodded. He believed so too.

On Sunday he was too restless to stay at the dorms. He went to see Matt even with Dan’s threatening look on him. Matt didn’t need him, and Nicky wasn’t asking for forgiveness or redemption this time but the look on his dark eyes told him it was okay. Matt didn’t care as long as he proved himself he was strong enough.

“What a mess!” Andrew said behind Renee. Their arrival and his voice made Matt’s body tense and Nicky knew it was going to take a long time for him to trust them again, not that he thought he deserved any of what Matt had to offer anymore. He looked down at his feet.

“How are you feeling?” Renee asked walking into the living room to sit next to Matt’s legs on the couch, her knuckles bruised. They’d tried to get him into bed a few times but he kept declining as politely as he could.

“Better, I think?” Matt answered closing his eyes again. He relaxed against the couch and Renee’s hand went to his knee and squeezed, a silent sign of support. The way Matt interacted with his friends was a mystery to him, but he wanted to be a part of it too. He craved Matt’s reassurances.

Matt didn’t feel capable of stepping onto the court. He was there for everybody to see, nothing hidden as her mum held his hand and he struggled so hard to get in the right mindset. Exy and boxing would be his escape if he found himself able to stand up without wanting to puke. Nicky would even offer himself as a punch bag so Matt’s anger would disappear quicker. He was too bright, too honest, too much of an amazing human being to be so angry for something he couldn’t change.

“Renee’s right. We need you there, I need you there. I can’t stand the other backliners, they’re awful” Nicky said and Randy smiled at him.

“What he did was wrong, and I’m sorry you’ll never hear him apologise for it. But I do believe, after talking to him and Nicky both that he really did mean to help you. Maybe it’s not the kind of consideration we want, and maybe he has a misguided way of getting results, but he wanted you sober” Renee said, this time even closer to Matt. Randy smiled apologetically, not because she regretted what she’d done but because she was hurting too. Nicky blushed and bit his lip, not wanting to hide his face anymore.

“I remember” Matt said, his eyes were still closed as he used all his strength on speaking properly, “One last drink for the road. I’m sorry” Matt apologised and they fell silent around him. Nicky wanted to take Renee’s place but he knew he had no right to do so.

He felt like sinking into the chair and disappearing drowned by the memory of Matt elbowing him days before. When he opened his eyes Matt was smiling at him.

 

* * *

The next morning Matt was back in his gear, a strong grip on his racquet and large bruises colouring his face, arms and neck. Things sort of settled in the foxhole court, their fighting was normal and no one tried to be nicer to each other but they went back to their routine, including the cousins, by the time Matt decided he wanted to go back to the dorm.

“Thanks” He said one day inside the elevator he was sharing with Nicky, both of them wearing their usual grin in their ridiculously orange hoodies –Nicky’s had fox ears included-, “Not for the drugs, I mean for being there” He explained facing the metallic doors instead of Nicky.

“Thanks for not giving up” He answered knowing there was nothing to thank him for. Matt deserved credit for how hard he’d fought and Nicky felt like acknowledging the fact he’d been there at all made him feel a thousand unnerving things.

Matt became a better person according to his friends and learnt to build barriers to protect himself. The monsters were too far away from him but he always tried to push Nicky outside of his group and Nicky got used to their easy friendship still wondering how Matt could talk to him without remembering the cracker dust. He couldn’t look into his bright eyes without thinking of the hollowness he’d seen in there, something he prayed he’d never get to see again.

Nicky, on the other hand, stayed the same. Not that he expected to change just because of the foxes, but even if there was always something akin to guilt within him, he was an ass to Allison and the rest of the men. He didn’t care so much about Renee and Dan. He at least respected her as a captain and Renee as a person. He’d been through too many things to change at that point, he thought. If there was something else that’d give him yet another tragic point of view he’d rather wait for it high and drunk -but always staying away from Matt-.

Their friendship wasn’t typical, but it came naturally to them. They never really did anything together, since most of Nicky’s activities outside class and the court he’d do with the twins, but they got used to deep and weird conversations during practice under Aaron’s scowl and stupid dad jokes while they changed or showered, from one stall to the other in the angry silence of the rest of the upperclassmen.

None of them could knock on each other’s door, afraid they’d get killed as soon as it opened, so the moments they found themselves together were all about ignoring the rest of the world and complaining about classes, grades and laughing at Nicky’s shirts. There was nothing that could describe Matt better than _sunshine_ , he was what Nicky’d been once and hadn’t changed despite his drug addiction.

He’d picked himself up with Exy, twice, and Nicky’d done the opposite. He’d left Exy, and his life, considered ruined at the moment, and though he didn’t consider himself an addict in any way he’d spent most of his time ‘coping’ with his parents’ hate, Erik’s death and his responsibility for his cousins’ wellbeing using cracker dust during work and drinking when the night finished.

And then something did change. They were both straddling the benches in the changing room, not quite ready for practice, still waiting for Juan, Damien and Reggie to get there. They were happy to have the place to themselves ignoring Seth’s presence but they’d been waiting for about thirty minutes when Dan finally let them know what was taking so long.

“Guys? Fuck, Reggie attempted again” Dan said nervously from the door, “I know you guys don’t care” She said pointing at the twins and Nicky, “But Seth, you should go to Abby’s to wait with the guys. Look, I know it’s hard to see that and if it’s too much you can-“ Seth interrupted her, laughing after rolling his eyes.

Dan deserved way more credit for what she did. Seth continued laughing and left the room as if he hadn’t tried to kill himself before and it’d at least do something to his head to see his friend like that.

“And I don’t care what you say. Andrew, you know where Bee’s office is, I want all of you to get evals done and I don’t care if it’s fucking illegal to go through them myself” Dan continued, harsh and sharp-edged as she took in Andrew’s smile directed specially toward her, “This week”.

Nicky shrugged as if waiting for someone to start an argument but when no one did he felt proud of himself from learning to swallow his sometimes stupid words.

It took them two days to figure out what’d happened with Reggie would mean to the team, which led them to go to Bee’s office in three, guided by a grinning Andrew.

Wymack had made visits with Bee mandatory for the foxes, at least once a year, and Matt had talked to her as he went through withdrawal. He didn’t really care since she was nice and they could have a nice conversation about anything.

Nicky’d only said hello a few times, and sat in her office for five minutes answering routine questions. Wymack changed that from routine questions to a full session at Dan’s request because she was tired of seeing her teammates crumbling down one by one in front of her.

Andrew’d left them behind, probably he was going back to the stadium despite how shit practice was going to get. It was a stupid strategy to send the backliners together but Dan’s poisonous words making Matt’s mental wellbeing the cousins’ responsibility had made him feel nauseous. They weren’t getting shit done, either way.

It was Aaron’s turn, he’d been with Bee for about fifteen minutes already and Nicky was sure he wasn’t answering any of her questions. Thanks to Andrew’s meds though, she probably already knew all there was to know about Aaron’s past that took him to drugs, “We should go out sometime” Matt interrupted his train of thought and Nicky stared at him for a good minute.

Matt’s back looked tense, but he was trying to keep his smile as big and honest as always, it was hard with Nicky’s eyes on him.

“Yeah, yeah, sure” Nicky answered dismissing whatever’d gone through his mind. He pressed his lips into a thin line and breathed in and out before continuing, “Like go out _go out?_ Or?” He asked gesturing with his hands despite Matt keeping his eyes on his, making him anxious.

He nodded, which confused Nicky even more, “Like really go out” Matt cleared his throat and licked his lips.

“Glad to know you can’t think straight either, Matty” Nicky said laughing. It didn’t feel wrong even when their conversation went to bad dates they’d had and instead of memorising what he shouldn’t do, Nicky actually felt comfortable and relaxed with him. The feeling didn’t disappear when Aaron used German to tell him to shut the fuck up went it was his turn. 

* * *

He hadn’t noticed how much effort you had to put when you went on a date even if Matt had said they weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Nicky got that as: we’ve been friends for a while and we haven’t even had lunch together so get your shit together Nicholas Esteban Hemmick, you gotta be casual even if you want to melt into his arms.  

But hearing Matt freaking out in the girls’ room certainly gave him what he needed to get his shit together. He discarded all graphic tees with puns on them and decided to wear what he’d wear to Eden’s Twilight, only a bit more comfortable. It was an all-black ensemble, characteristic to a more serious side of Nicky that didn’t exactly have to exist in front of Matt.

Andrew didn’t ask anything when he saw him searching for his makeup desperately on a Friday night when they weren’t going to Columbia, he just pointed at the trash can expecting Nicky to freak out but all he got was a nervous giggle. Aaron, as always made a comment on Nicky’s highlight when he left the bathroom, which Nicky answered with, “Make up is just chemicals, man. Stop with that makeup is for girls shit”.

When Matt knocked on his door –which he’d decided to do simply because he’d been the one to ask him out- Nicky was all but ready to face him. Matt always looked good, he was tall and his hair was in ridiculous spikes, as always. Seeing his muscles while they changed always made Nicky scream internally, but he had to recognise he also really _really_ liked him when he wasn’t wearing the typical athlete attire most of them sported during the week. His denim jacket made him look more casual than Nicky but he was okay with that, he was _so okay_ with everything Matt did.  

“This feels so stupid I live like two doors from you, why am I even doing this?” Matt said massaging his temples with his fingers, his eyes were closed. Truth was Nicky felt as stupid smiling at him as Matt did, but he said nothing and closed the door behind him after making sure he had his keys and wallet, “What are we doing?” Matt asked once they were inside the elevator, he was so nervous he kept his hands in the pockets of his jacket so he wouldn’t see them shaking and make it worse.

“Well, according to the plans, club”.

Matt’s truck was shit to Nicky’s standards, but he was used to Andrew’s car so it was understandable. He knew Matt wasn’t the best human being on Earth, but compared to what he’d seen, Matt was the closest thing to certainty and comfort he’d felt in a long time.

They went to a club and danced for a couple of hours to music none of them had listened to before. Nicky was sweating under his black clothes and Matt’s denim jacket was somewhere he couldn’t remember. He didn’t drink more than a couple of beers after Matt told him his drinking didn’t make him uncomfortable, but he wasn’t gonna get drunk when Matt had nothing but good intentions and a good night in mind.

To Nicky’s surprise Matt’s long limbs didn’t make him clumsy on the dancefloor and their height difference was only a bit of a problem when they were too close. Nicky couldn’t remember how they went from the club to a drive through because he’d kept his focus on Matt and let him talk until he tired of his voice, which never happened. Later, they found themselves sitting on the bed of Matt’s truck eating chips and laughing at everything and nothing as the sun went up.

“I wanna take pictures because it’s so cool, but you’re also cool so I’m having a bit of a problem here” Nicky said interrupting Matt’s laughter, with his phone in hand, trying to take a picture of the sky that included Matt’s grin too.

There’d been bad times in Nicky’s life where he’d hoped he’d be brave enough to kill himself. Then he’d been saved by someone he couldn’t protect, and though Andrew tried to keep them both safe, he’d failed to keep Erik alive. Nicky’d wanted to die before Erik and it shocked to be back taking baby steps toward being okay again. Exy didn’t make him feel anything, but it distracted him, and the rest of things numbed the Erik shaped hollow in his chest.

He knew Matt wouldn’t make his past go away, but he felt alive again as he looked at the pictures he’d taken during the night and morning as they drove back to Fox Tower.

There was no good bye kiss, and he felt like a teenage boy again, this time not lying to himself, though. Matt waved good bye from his door, hoping none of his roommates were there to ask questions.

They’d talked about it. It wasn’t that Matt was in the closet, it was that they’d never asked and had assumed he was straight because they’d seen him kissing a girl once. Well, he wasn’t gonna correct them if that meant he was be safe in his own room.

Then all hell broke loose when Kevin Day showed up in their bus with a broken hand and angry tears. Kevin was a stubborn fucker but he was good at his job, whatever that was. It was weird to see him there after watching too many matches where he’d kicked everyone’s ass. Now he was reduced to assistant coach, yelling and asking the impossible from the foxes. They got to championships and needless to say, lost the death match which wasn’t really hard to believe.

Matt and Nicky still talked as if nothing was happening between the two of them, because really, during those weeks Exy had been their only focus even if they didn’t want it to be. But then spring practices started and Kevin was there trying to make _proper backliners_ out of them.

In his free time they’d managed to take the rest of the foxes Andrew thought needed to be taken to Columbia with them. Matt and Nicky didn’t share more than lunch when Andrew and Aaron weren’t there and awkward and almost coded flirting during practice. It was dumb and too slow for Nicky’s liking but he had to understand Matt’s situation was a little bit more complicated. His roommates were doing enough by letting him stay there and not using drugs right in front of him.

And then Kevin Day was sitting between the twins in the same sofa they’d been sharing for quite some time and the upperclassmen had been quite shocked by Kevin’s surrender to Andrew’s antagonism.

They didn’t know the whole story, not that Nicky did either, and then things got more settled. He thanked the fact the only assholes in practice were Aaron and Seth when Matt asked him to talk.

Nicky knew the girls knew by the way they looked at them go into the changing rooms. Probably Renee’d noticed first since she was the only one who spent time with the so called monsters because of Andrew, and he kind of liked her too. She hadn’t talked though, that much was obvious.

They went to their usual positions, sitting on the benches in front of each other, elbows resting on their knees and smiles on their faces.

“The guys think I should introduce them whoever I’m dating” He laughed looking at the lockers behind Nicky, “So I figured out we should go on more dates, you know?”

“Oh, so we’re dating now?” Nicky asked biting his lower lip to stop himself from smirking. Matt shrugged.

“Dunno” He responded, his hair was exactly the way Nicky liked it and he ruffled it. He nodded in response and hoped for things to be sort of okay between them. He wasn’t really fond of having to hide whatever he had with someone, if there was a something, but Matt’s safety was more important than his need to kiss him every five minutes. Then it came to him. Whenever they spent time together or at least during the last few weeks they’d always been in public. They’d never kissed and it felt so weird because he was sure he had kissed him, except it’d been maybe in a dream?

Nicky hummed and waited for a few seconds to get his shit together, “’Kay, we are, then” Matt’s worried look confirmed it was still a touchy subject for him, but he relaxed as soon as Nicky cupped his jaw with his right hand and he leaned on the touch. Matt kissed his wrist in a display of affection and Nicky felt too young and naïve all over again. “Okay” He repeated to himself and their lips touched shyly, both of them smiling into the chaste kiss until Matt snorted and they broke apart.

“Sorry, sorry, this is so dumb” Matt said, “Keep going” He added gesturing with his hands, the tips of Nicky’s fingers still on his cheekbone.

Nicky melted at the feeling of Matt’s lips moving against his, both of them breaking the kiss laughing again and again but always coming back for another kiss, slower, calmer, and definitely way less romantic than they’d thought. No changing room was romantic, much less the foxes’ one with painted fox paws on the walls and sweaty gear just around the corner, but they still got lost in their touches until they heard Andrew’s voice coming from outside. 

* * *

The next time Nicky had a chance to sit with Matt for lunch Renee was there too, “Heya” He said as he sat next to Matt under Renee’s silent scrutiny, “Man, classes are boring sometimes, I can’t believe I’m looking forward to practice with Kevin”.

Renee’s silence was unnerving as she looked at him expressionless. Matt cleared his throat and Renee’s smile appeared once again, as if it’d always been there. He liked Renee but shit, knowing she had sparring sessions with Andrew scared him. Then she mumbled something into her hand and Matt looked at her questioningly.

“I’m just saying we should find a way for you two to hold hands safely that’s not under the table, your arms are gonna cramp awful if you keep doing that” She said matter-of-factly before taking a bite of her apple, “Kevin’s gonna kill you if your limbs are damaged in the process, dont’cha think?”

They finished lunch in silence, Nicky focusing on his meal and Renee looking for something else to add to her list of dating advice for Matt Boyd. Truth was it was kind of funny.

Then their second date came and they hadn’t given enough of a damn to do anything special, really. Matt ended up on Nicky’s room couch with Nicky putting on highlighter on his _amazing cheekbones_ because it’d look great, according to him.

 Half an hour later they were on their way to Columbia, no intention to go anywhere but to Nicky’s house to enjoy some time together without having to hide. The sun went down to awful pop songs they both sang and shouted to, Nicky’s hand on Matt’s on the gear shift.

Once in Columbia they stopped at a convenience store to get some food and drinks because Nicky was sure the only thing they’d find at the house would be alcohol since they had a no leftovers rule.

They slumped into the couch that was now Kevin’s improvised bed and watched two movies, since their love for pop culture was what had made them click in the first place. The first one was about a woman who looked way too much like Tilda who was a writer and kept trying to get her books published making people believe the writer was a guy called Phillip something, he couldn’t remember since they’d been lazily making out half the movie between whispers and _okaythemoviegotinteresting_.

The second one had made him cry only a little because it was about two guys who were too in love for it to have a happy ending and then one of them had been killed. _Cool,_ he thought, and Matt apologised as soon as he heard him sniffling. He wanted to finish watching the movie to replace his memories of romance equals death with something happier.

He woke up at about two in the morning curled up next to Matt and woke him up to go to bed because if they complained during practice Kevin would kill them, his joints hurt as he stirred. Matt was a heavy sleeper, he found out, and it took a lot of convincing to get him to climb the stairs. However, it wasn’t much of a surprise when Matt spent at least fifteen minutes kissing his cheek and neck once they were spooning. It felt too good to be truth, but they’d have to go back to Fox Tower eventually. He sighed.

The way back to the dorms was silent and almost sad, still they both felt content with ‘Rebel Rebel’ playing on the background. 

* * *

“Are you sure you want to do this? Like, now? Really?” Nicky asked, anxiety twisting his insides and making him feel dizzy. Matt looked conflicted but he squeezed his hand before sighing and nodding. Nicky moved out of the way as soon as he heard Abby’s voice behind him, “’Kay, I support you a lot, and you can totally hide in my room if they kick you out”

Matt swallowed and squeezed his hand again before letting go. He was dying to kiss him right there but he knew he couldn’t do it, not yet. He braced himself for what was to come and breathed out shakily following Matt into the lounge room.

For the first time, Nicky wasn’t smiling as he sat down next to Andrew, fearing Aaron would punch him in the face when Matt talked. He could’ve borrowed one of his shirts and it would’ve been enough, it’d be a bit little on him but that was okay, he thought. His legs were shaking even though he wasn’t the one who was going to talk.

“Coach, I hope you don’t kill me for saying this now and ruining everything but since championships ended and we’re sorta gonna be okay for the near future I’ve something to say” Matt started, his words quick and his anxiety showing in his posture.

“If it’s to do with your stupid drugs I swear to fuck-“ Wymack stopped himself when Matt’s serious expression didn’t change, the sight unusual enough to believe he deserved his silence.

“Thanks, Coach” He said and bit his lower lip before breathing in and out, the girls beaming at him in silent support, “I want y’all to know I’m dating a guy and I hope you don’t kill me but it’s totally unfair that you’d assume I’m straight since, you know, I’m not, and I really really hope you don’t punch me or think I’ve looked at y’all with other intentions because seriously Reggie, you’re gross and Allison, I’ve no idea how you can stand Seth” He stopped himself to breathe again and keep talking before the most offended foxes had any chance to speak up, “And I know you think I was dating a girl and yeah, I’m not. So there’s that, and um, I’m moving into the girls’ room before you choke me in my sleep”.

Allison raised her hand, her lips curled in a triumphant smile, “So you’re dating a guy?” Coach rolled his eyes and she mouthed _what?_ She was offering support for Matt to keep his sort of monologue going.

“Exy should be your number one priority, Boyd. You suck and you need to practice, so shut up and stop wasting our time” Kevin interrupted looking frustrated. His blood boiled whenever he saw the foxes somewhat relaxed.

“Yes, I’m dating a guy” He answered ignoring Kevin, and Nicky tried his hardest not to snort at Matt’s inability to get the words out.

“Fucking hell” Juan whispered covering his face with his hands. Reggie clenched his fists and Seth laughed, he fucking laughed before muttering _‘faggot’_ under his breath.

“How long have you been dating?” Allison asked, knowing Matt needed to add something but felt too scared to say anything else.

“Uh, one… two months? It’s Nicky, by the way, shit” He said and searched for Nicky’s eyes to get an answer but he didn’t know either. He shrugged and hoped Andrew would protect him from whoever wanted to hurt him.

Seth was the first one to get out and the rest of the guys followed, the only one who stayed slumped on the couch was Damien, still looking like he couldn’t believe what he’d heard.

“Fucking hell” Aaron muttered, his head low and Andrew’s hand on the back of his neck, keeping him there.

Nicky wasn’t surprised by their reaction at all, but Matt was a little disappointed though it’d gone better than he’d expected. He’d received no punches and Coach didn’t look as betrayed as he thought he would. Nevertheless, both of them looked like they were gonna get sick.

Nicky didn’t stop to wait for Matt on his way out of the stadium, but kissed him soundly, tongue searching for his and hands on his hips once they were alone in Matt’s truck, until a low groan and a hand on Matt’s chest interrupted their kiss, “I’m proud of you”.

“You better be, ‘cuz I’m gonna be sleeping on a couch for the rest of the school year”.   

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I totally wrote this for myself, so it's okay if y'all are like "why" but honestly they'd be so cute together I can not. Self-indulgent af with my writing, as always. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, kudos and comments are appreciated! Have a nice week everybody. Find me @ minycrdjcsten on tumblr.


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